It all happened so quickly and was over in a flash. It's hard now to say for certain what happened but I think it all began to go wrong when I drank what I though was a glass of whiskey that someone had left on the bar. It tasted like very cheap and dangerous liquor but I'm not one to let things go to waste so I knocked it back. It was getting late and the bar was about to close. I'd had a strange evening already so far. I was with a couple that I know well and we'd had a little cocaine earlier but they'd got a bit jumpy in one of the previous bars that we'd been in because I was having a conversation about drugs with the bar staff. Its not like I was selling scag or anything like that but suddenly my friends started to gather their things together and stood up to leave. Jumpy. I was a little bewildered by this, not thinking that I'd done anything particularly wrong but not 100% sure that I hadn't either. Surely just talking about things that are on your mind isn't likely to offend anyone that much. I'm pretty sure no one was really listening anyway.
Out in the street my friends started to to scold me about my behavior. I thought this was a little odd because nothing had really happened but I decided that it probably wasn't worth arguing about and we'd all be better of just going somewhere else and having another drink. It was Friday night after all. Before we could do that however, my friends wanted to quickly roll a joint back at their flat which was close to the bar that we were heading to. I thought this a little ironic considering the conversation we'd just had but they seemed not to think anything was wrong. No double standards.
Well, the joint was rolled and smoked on the way and we got to a bar called 'The Freemasons'. A place I would never normally have gone but whole evening was off kilter already so in we went. The bar was surrounded by men in shiny shirts with the most lewd and lecherous looks upon their shaved and sented faces. I sat down on a bar stool and my friends ordered some drinks. Looking round and caught the eye of a middle aged woman who was standing next to me with another lady. They both had that kind of washed out and jaded look you'd associate with cheap pornography.
I started to tell them how Adolf Hitler deserved a little love and understanding and that our compassion should know no limits but the conversation didn't last long. They both looked horrified but I had a feeling they had been looking for something that would offend them for most of the evening. I lied and told them I was a Jew thinking that this might reassure them that I wasn't a member of the BNP or any other Neo Nazi organization and drew their attention to the fact that one of my friends was from Zimbabwe. But no, the damage was done.
I turned back to my drink and next to it on the bar was the mysterious glass of free whiskey. It was all alone. No one seemed to own it so I assumed it must have been forgotten or left behind by another inebriate. It was a little cloudy but I drank it down anyway. It's difficult to say for sure how it tasted because by then my palette was a little crowded but I'm almost certain that it wasn't urine.
After a little while I began to feel light headed and talkative. My cheeks were hot and my throat was dry. A guy stepped up to the bar next to me and ordered a drink so while he waited I thought it would be a good idea if we had a chat. I asked him where everybody got their shiny shirts from and if they were expensive. He just stared at me flexing his jaw muscles with a look of pure hatred in his eyes. Lying once more I told him that I was a session keyboard player who had worked with many famous acts in my time. I asked him who his favorite band or act was. It turned out to be Kasabian. Sure, I'd worked with them. All that Hammond stuff. That was me. This seemed to cheer him up slightly until I told him that they were all gay and had a taste for underage boys. I could see that I'd have to get out of there quickly but the cloudy whiskey was working in strange ways. I think it was spiked. L.S.D perhaps. He looked great in his shiny shirt though.
'What kind of material is this?' I demanded to know. 'Was this something that NASA designed?' My head was swimming. The lights of the bar glowed hellishly around me. I tried to focus on his face but it seemed to be turning to mush. I grabbed his arm and asked him how long he'd been in Kasabian but he was already backing away heading for the exit.
Last orders were called and my friends and I left the bar. A few yards down the road we could see a crowd of people gathered outside a house from which the sound of loud dance music was coming. It was obviously a party. All the people waiting to get in were quite young. Late teens early twenties perhaps. I forced our way to the front of the cue expecting to walk straight in but already I could seen things were not shaping up the way I had thought they would. I must have looked completely wired because as soon as the guys on the door saw me they kind of bunched together and formed a human wall.
'Sorry. Its a private party'.
'Get out of the way I'm an arsonist'.
These people hated us. That was clear. A few bigger guys came down from the party upstairs to defend the door from us. I was just about to leave anyway but one of them thought he'd try and be diplomatic.
'Hey, hey. Its Friday night and I'm sure there are plenty of places to go other than this party so just move along now and find somewhere else where you're welcome. Okay?'.
I don't know but, I think it was the tone of his voice or the smug style of his oratory that offended me and the way he had added an almost apologetic 'Okay?' to the end of his statement. I didn't like his inexperienced and young bloated face either. Why was he talking to me? Why was he making me feel as welcome as a pedophile at a christening? Enough was enough. This young man needed to be taught a lesson.
There were probably about six of these guys at the door. One in particular caught my eye. He was huge. Broad and muscular, with a provicially handsome but stupid face. He was the one I'd have to go for first. If he went down the others would scatter. Of that I was sure. And after, all I could see everything clearly now.
Uttering a hideous and blood curdling war cry I leapt punching into the crowded door way. At first I had the better of them. Surprise was on my side and they had no room to maneuver in such a small space. My own momentum carried me forward and sent a couple of my foes flying backwards through the door. I was desperate to get to the big guy before he got to me and to show no fear in the face of such odds. It didn't last very long. I think he hit me on the forehead with his elbow and managed to shove me back from the doorway. I tripped on the stone steps and hit the pavement hard. They poured out after me onto the street like hornets. One came in too soon and I managed to chop his legs away with a sweep of my own but I still had to contend with the big guy. The odds were hopelessly stacked against me. There was no way I could have won and what the hell was I doing anyway? It was the spiked fire water that was fighting these boys, not me.
My friends had managed to step in and separate me from what would have been a royal beating no doubt. My shirt was completely torn from my back and I stood there with it hanging down to my knees in tatters.
What an ugly scene. One of my friends was shouting at me now. In fact, he was like a raving madman, insulting me and saying terrible things. Anyone passing by at this point would have thought that we had been fighting. I was glad that he had stepped in and saved me but, still, I told him to go and fuck himself and walked off towards home and a beautiful pale red 'Hunters' moon that hung like a huge bloodshot eye on the horizon...
