Sunday, August 21, 2005

Language & Food Special

So you want to learn to speak English? Of course it would be my pleasure to help you....

Well, the best way to learn English, or any language is to learn how to cook with an foreign language speaker. Some people say that making love is a great way to learn about a language but I disagree. Usually during love making it's only the same two words that are repeated over and over again. It's usually "yes..yes..yessss" or "no..no..nooo". So it's not very good for expanding your vocabulary. But learning to cook a dish that you love can really help you to pick up those little bits of everyday English like a "pinch" of salt or a "drizzle" of olive oil.
The Ingredients are very important to. It is absolutely essential to get at least four very beautiful, young and charming women. They must be fresh. You can usually tell how fresh they are by giving them a gentle squeeze. They should be soft but still quite firm. Japanese women are generally preferable because they stay fresher for much longer. Add to this a full moon. You will also need a quantity of alcohol. This will keep the chef happy and when he's happy he works well. At this point you should gradually add a few jokes and a light sprinkling of female laughter. This should make the evening rise very evenly. Now take all of your ingredients and allow them to cook gently for about 3-4 hours. Gradually pour in a little Japanese politics add one Richard Gere (two will be very sickly) or a Vincent Gallo if you can catch one and a Yokohama Red Light district slum. Serve with warmth and humour...and enjoy.xxx

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